Lesbian sex book traumatizes teenage boys!

Somebody put drugs in the water supply. Either that or Bedlam has released a lot of patients. The crazy God-botherers are out in force and crazier than normal. I mean certifiably nuts.

First, lets take a trip to Arkansas and visit Earl Adams (you knew he was going to be an Earl or Jethro or Cleetus or something like that didn’t you?). Earl has two teenaged sons. I suggest he has two horny teenage sons who scouted the shelves of the local library looking for something sexy for some bathroom reading.

And what did the horny little bastards find: The Whole Lesbian Sex Book. Exactly what a couple of horny straight teenage boys would love to devour. And no doubt they did, repeatedly. I hope they wiped the pages when they were finished reading. The bullshit story is that the boys accidentally found it while looking for books on military academies. Right! Sure. I see how when you are looking for something on the military you might accidentally end up in the section on lesbian sex. I've attached a photo of the book's cover. You can see how the poor children got confused. I myself immediately thought of West Point when I saw it. Earl is obviously as dense as a doorknob.

Earl discovered that the boys had read this Satanic book and sent a letter of protest, which just also happened to demand $20,000 in compensation for the trauma allegedly caused his horny pornhounds. He claims that after the poor boys saw the book it caused “many sleepless nights in our house.” Yes, precisely what I would have expected. No doubt he heard the poor boys breathing heavy and moaning throughout the night. It was pure hell and kept them up the entire night.

Earl’s letter got the library advisory board in a panic so they deleted the book from shelf. Earl is a coward. He should have gone in and burned it himself like a good Christian -- along with the author. Earl says God told him what to write: “God was speaking to my heart that day and helped me find the words that proved successful in removing this book from the shelf.” Too bad those voices didn’t whisper: “Earl, you’re a moron.”

Now we travel down to Orlando, Florida home of Disney World and other fantasies. One of which concerns a statue that is alleged to be the Virgin Mary. Now how anyone knows I don’t know since nobody has the slightest idea what Mary looked like. But I guess if they buy the virgin story they are open to anything.

The local Catholics are going postal over the statue and flocking in to pray to it. Apparently someone saw a mark on the face which they say looks like a tear, well it would except its black, the tear that is not the statue.

No wonder so many good Catholics were willing to say: “Sure Father O’Malley, you can take little Timmy on a personal prayer retreat.” Just not that bright are they?