Sunday, June 25, 2006

Is the Devil a registered Republican?

John Jacob wants to go to Congress and he wants to unseat the current reperesentative, Chris Cannon. Jacob wants the Republican nomination so that means he needs to out-God Cannon. After all they are God's Own Party now, the party of theocracy, the American Taliban. So Jacob has gone public naming his greatest enemy in his election: Satan.

Yes, Lucifer, the Devil, Beelzebub, the old Horny Goat himself, is supposedly directly involved with trying to stop Jacob from winning the nominaation. How does Jacob know? According to the Salt Lake Tribune the reasons given were: "Numerous business deals he had lined up have been delayed, freezng money, he was countin on to finance his race." So business went down while he was campaigning and that is means Satan is out to get him.

Of course the man is running for office and that means neglecting business. It may also mean alienating potentail business partners who don't particularly care for his theocratic tendencies as a Republican. There are dozens of valid reasons while business will decline while he is off campaigning. But Jacob is convinced that it has to be a mysterious force. Talk about paranoia. Asked if the mysterious force was the old Devil he said: "I don't know who else it would be if it wasn't him. Now when that gets out in the paper, I'm going to be one of the screw-loose people." Well, no argument from me on that list bit.

What is strange is that Jacob, who is a Mormon, is running against another Mormon. It is the nomination he is seeking here. If the Devil is trying to stop Jacob, a Mormon, from winning then it would be because he wants Cannon, another Mormor, to win. Odd strategy on the part of the wiley one. I would think his holy Mormon underwear ought to protect him from the Devil. But then I'm not up to par on exactly what the old Joe Smith undergear is supposed to do. Obviously it doesn't help one wrangle million dollar business deals when distracted with other ventures. On the other hand if the Devil is involved in the primary race in Utah I guess that would make him a registered Republican.

But if the campaign picture (above) is any indication then Mr. Jacob should have paid closer attention to Satan. Apparently when he wasn't noticing the Devil stole his eyes and those of his wife. All they have left are those funny slits. Or maybe they are some of those reptillian aliens that the other nutters talk about?

4 Comments:

Blogger Derreck said...

Or maybe they're vampires, oversensitive to Light.

I don't really care who wins, even if it were the devil himself dressed up as a mormon; I hate politics.

June 26, 2006

 
Blogger GodlessZone said...

Alas, 99% of all politics is groups fighting over the power to control the lives, liberties or properties of others. So there is nothing to like.

June 26, 2006

 
Blogger Ethereal said...

Indeed. Like you said, government is nothing more than brute force and that is golden to those that impose their beliefs on others against their will.

Robert

June 26, 2006

 
Blogger Derreck said...

True, and it is a shame people have no choice but to go with the flow of this system of doom. (or you'd have to have a plane crash on some desolate tropical island where theer are wild animals and plants which you can eat, and a big ocean to seperate you from every tax-monster you can think of.)

June 28, 2006

 

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