Theopublicans blame Jewish plot for evolution.

One of the “Good ol’ boy” Theopublicans in the Theocratic State of Texas (yet once again) got himself into some hot water. Republican Warren Chisum sent out a flyer promoting a God-fearing Christian web site that will debunk evolution and promote godly science based on the Bible. Chisum is a good Christian -- hence he was the author of a constitutional amendment which explicitly denies gay couples equal marriage rights before the law.

And the flyer in question was the work of another elected Republican, Ben Bridges of the George state legislature -- George is another hotbed of intellectualism. And according to the Dallas News the memo says that evidence “long hidden” shows that evolution was plot imposed by the Jewish “Pharisee Religion”. It says: “This scenario is derived concept-for-concept from Rabbinic writings in the mystic ‘holy book’ Kabbala dating back at least two millennia.”

Bridges is taking heat for it as well and denies he knew anything about the memo which sent people to a web site run by a fundamentalist bigot. The bigot in question, Marshall Hall says that he penned the memo with Bridge’s knowledge and permission. Hall says: “I gave him a copy of it months ago. I had already written this up as an idea to present to him so he could see what it was and what we were thinking.” Hall says his wife has been Bridges’ campaign manager for the last ten years.

Bridges was asked if he disavowed the theories of Hall but skirted the issued while implying that he might: “I agree with it more than I would the Big Bang Theory or the Darwin Theory.” Oh, goodie! We have an elected Republican who thinks the idea of an ancient Jewish plot to impose evolution makes more sense than natural selection in nature. In Georgia this guy is probably considered a moderate. And to show what kind of education one can expect if this man had his way consider this gem of wisdom from him: “I am convinced that rather than risk teaching a lie why teach anything?” I suppose there is a corollary that which apparently Mr. Bridges has put into practice: “Rather than risk learning a lie why learn anything?

Back in Texas Representative Chisum articulately stated: “The stuff that causes conflicts between religious beliefs, you know, I’d never be a party to that.” The man obviously learned public speaking at the George Bush School of Articulation and Grammar. Chisum says: “I don’t agree with bashing Jews, that’s for sure.” Apparently gays are another matter entirely.

Chisum says he never went to the web site he was promoting and was just being a “Good Samaritan” for his fellow Republican legislator. He says: “It that’s a sin, well, shoot me.” Tempting offer, Mr. Chisum. But then it would probably do not good. You couldn’t hit a vital organ if you tried. He’s a Republican so he has no heart and he’s a Christian fundamentalist so he has no brain.” And it would be a very bad idea to put holes in his body considering what he’s obviously full of -- you wouldn’t want that many decades worth of crap seeping out and endangering others.

So what is on this web site? --- and I assure you that with the web layout they use you can’t accuse them of being guilty of “intelligent design” whatsoever. On the front page you learn what Biblical science is like. We already know you have to throw out evolution and you need to believe the earth is supposedly only 7,000 to 10,000 years old. But there are other Biblical beliefs it promotes. One is the “Earth is not rotating”. No spinning globe whatsoever. Equally important is the claim that it isn’t “going around the sun” either. The web site in question provides 67 “scriptural references” to prove that the sun is moving not the earth. And he provides even more Bible quotes to prove that the earth can’t move!

And if the Bible says it then it just has to be true.

They argue that the earth is the center of the universe and the universe revolves around the earth. And the reason people don’t realize this is because of the Jewish conspiracy to destroy Christianity. I’m not making this crap up. This is what these lunatic Theopublicans in Georgia are claiming.

They argue that there “is a list as long as your leg of highly organized One World Government conspiracies. Some have been around for centuries, even millennia. Others are more recent.” And all this conspiracy stuff “was prophesied over nineteen hundred years ago in the New Testament of Jesus Christ! That is something to think about, isn’t it?!” Cue the music for the Twilight Zone.

Now the conspiracy is “SATAN-INSPIRED” this “science” web site says and has one goal “to bring about a One World Government that can establish a One World ANTI-CHRIST religion.” (Please not they write with these excessive capitals not me.)

So while there are just dozens of conspiracies pushing Satan’s plan “there is, nevertheless, One Particular Conspiracy that embodies and yet transcends all the others.” And it does so because: “God foreordained that it be this way because this particular conspiracy is special to His Plans. This particular conspiracy is going to play an irreplaceable and completely understandable part in His Perfect Plan.”

Apparently Mr. Hall’s theology not only teaches him science but history as well. Because he discovers the “granddaddy of all One World conspiracies” to be the “same one Jesus encountered in the Pharisaic Establishment headquartered in Jerusalem nearly 2000 years ago.” This is starting to sound like a book Mel Gibson will be filming. Hall says this Pharisaic plot today “is in position of control globally and doing business through state-of-the-art technology capable of handling its global transactions almost instantly.” This Jewish plot, says Hall is the “age-old Satanic conspiracy which the heartbeat” of all the other Satanic one world conspiracies. And in case you didn’t know Talmudic Judaism, according to Hall is in “control of the pornography industry and all the media” .

This is the sort of “theology” that one often finds rampant in fundamentalist sects. It is exactly the sort of things I heard as a kid at the local Christian school. And this is what the Republican Party has become since it started recruiting Christianist nutters from the American South.