Hell pizza. condoms and Christians.

I always enjoy the rank stupidity of people. It is so entertaining. If you ever want to have a good laugh listen to talk radio and hear the idiots that call into the shows. Rather amusing lot. And the funniest people are you day-to-day Christians. When a person of average to less-than-average intelligence thinks they speak on behalf of the creator of the universe they really go off the deep end.

Christians are a bit of an anomaly in New Zealand. Most people there simply don’t take religion that seriously - unlike the sad case of the United States. But the few who do can be quite something to behold.

Recently the believers started having fits because a local pizza chain sent out a promotion. The Hell Pizza chain has been something of a minor thorn in the side of believers. Obviously they don’t like the name. It pokes fun at one of their central beliefs --- that an all-loving, compassionate god has created a location where he will inflict torture and excruciating pain on human beings for eternity.

To make it worse the pizza company has named their pizzas after some of the so-called deadly sins. To promote their Lust pizza they sent out a coupon with a condom. Well, the Christians had fits galore over that. A condom implies sex and the typical Christian, despite what they may say to the contrary, feels at best ambivalent about sex and most think it a rather sinful activity. To say that they have real problems in this area is an understatement.

Now the Catholics were particularly upset. Catholic priests were livid since condoms are forbidden in Catholicism. They believe the only justification for sex is to have children and any sexual act which does not have the potential of leading to children is very, very wicked. Hence they condemn every sexual act except vaginal intercourse and then only approve of it if no form of birth control is used. So the distribution of condoms was roundly condemned by these priests -- as if priests have any moral authority these days.

Now I could focus on the comments made by the batty religious leaders but I’d rather focus on the rank stupidity of the people who follow these leaders.

The New Zealand Herald ran comments from lots of average folk. Reading what the average person has to say is not very encouraging. If this is average I cringe at the thought of what the below average are like.

Claudia McFie says that Hell Pizza imposed their views on others by mailing out the promotion. What the hell, pardon the pun, does it mean “to impose your view” on others. Apparently Claudia thinks that any expression of values is an imposition on others. Christianists fall for this irrational line of thinking a lot.

If an adult bookstore opens they accuse it of imposing its views on others. If a gay celebration takes place it is “imposing” the views of gays on the public. Expressing a viewpoint or simply living one’s life is not imposing a view on others. Consider two different issues: to impose a view and to impose taxes.

What does the latter mean? It means to force people to pay a portion of their income to the state. There is force involved. But to mail out a condom is not to use force. If mailing out a coupon with a condom is to “impose” on others then everything we do that is witnessed by others is an imposition on them.

What is funny here is that the people who say this sort of crap want laws which literally do impose their will on others. These are the people who would ban abortion, make “sodomy” a felony, close down adult shops, arrest prostitutes, etc. And they seem to imply that mailing out a condom to people is on the same level as using the power of the state against others.

Julian Morehu said Hells Pizza was stupid because a lack of fear is stupid. (See they will be punished for eternity for sending out condoms so they are not fearing the real hell.) Morehu has no understanding of rights. He says that the franchise showed a “lack of respect for peoples rights”. He meant “people’s rights” I suspect.

Of course no one’s rights were violated in any way shape or form. A TV commercial doesn’t violate rights. An ad in a newspaper doesn’t violate rights. A flyer doesn’t violate rights. They may annoy you but they do not strip you of life, liberty or property. There is no rights violation involved.

Morehu rambles incoherently on about sex and STDs. “Sure learning about condoms and different STDs out there is awesome, but its neither your place nor right to shove it on other peoples kids.” Okay, so Morehu has trouble putting in apostrophes where they belong. But what is he talking about? I don’t know. I suspect he doesn’t either.

I actually never thought learning about STDs was “awesome”. But again how is mailing out a flyer imposing on other people’s kids? And how is it not their right to mail out a flyer? Julian “the brain” Morehu says that the franchise was out for “free advertising”. I suspect the post office actually did charge them for the postage myself.

Morehu does give us a clue as to why he’s so clueless. He tells us he is a “Christian” who believes in heaven and hell. He digresses into theology and then says his main point was “I for one havent really liked your pizzas anyway.” Oh, that was his main point! Maybe he doesn’t know what a main point is either.

And get this logic. “You think hell is cool? According to Bible, which by the way is the only place to ever talk about Hell, therefore being the only place to have the facts about it, is pitch black.” Bad grammar again. As written he seems to be saying the Bible is pitch black. The logic here is hilarious. The Bible mentions hells (so he says) and therefore anything it says about it is a fact. JK Rowlings writes about Harry Potter so therefore anything she writes about Potter is a fact. What piss-poor logic.

Morehu wants that in hell you will hear “screaming, gnashing of teeth but if you wanna go there for sure have heaps of sex but when you find out whats on the other side remember me.” So the reason people go to hell is having “heaps of sex”. Is a heap of sex an orgy? And exactly why should anyone remember this clown if in hell? Assume this moron is correct and there is a hell and people go there for having “heaps of sex”. Is he really going to look down on the suffering (which he can’t see due to the darkness) and go “Ha, ha, told you so, told you so”? Rather juvenile I’d say.

Simon Stewart was a bit more intelligent, but just a bit. He compared Hell's Pizza to the Catholic Church and argued that the church did more good. The pizza chain sells “unhealthy greasy pizzas adding to New Zealands obesity problems” (what is it with these people and their inability to add the apostrophe?). They send “unwanted condoms to our homes” and “all they want to do is sell more pizzas.” So “not much good community service done here!.”

Now this implies that the reason to have any business is to serve the community. It implies the individual businessman exists only for the sake of others and has no rights of his own. He must serve others. Sounds rather socialist to me and rather Christian but the two go together well I think.

Now compare that to Catholicism says Stewart. Okay, he does say we should ignore the “public misdemeanours by some disgusting humans portraying themselves as priests.” What! Hey, dude, these guys weren’t “portraying themselves as priests”. They were priests consecrated by your church, ordained by your church, housed and fed by your church, and then protected and hidden away by your church.

Stewart says he “could write a list 50 pages long about the good things the church as brought to our society and the world” and then doesn’t. He lists not one. I suggest that if he had a list it would leave off little things like the Inquisition, the persecution of Galileo, and such matters.

Now I’d compare the pizza chain to the church. The pizza chain produces a good that people actually are willing to pay for. It doesn’t try to pass laws forcing people to like pizzas. It doesn’t attempt to rule others in any way. It offers a voluntary service to willing customers. It never tortured people for not liking pizza. It never burned a fan of KFC at the stake. It never coddled up to dictators or covered up child abuse. I’d rather have a pizza than a communion wafer any day.

And then Stewart gets right to the heart of the Christian pathology. “The only safe sex available these days is no sex at all.” See, these people are really obsessed with this issue.

Sean Reynolds pushes the same message, “if you use condoms you are eventually going to get a surprise. The only method that is 100% effective in preventing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases or to prevent unwanted pregnancies is to simply not engage in sex.”

Amanda Ward says the promotion violated “parental choice as to whether our children are exposed to such things.” Nonsense. She says she is not willing to make any effort to keep her kids from seeing things which she disapproves of so therefore such things simply shouldn’t be sent out.

Again take this idea and generalize it. If anything which some parent might find offensive for their children were banned what exactly would be allowed? Should a fundamentalist nutter be allowed to stop Catholic churches from existing because they don’t want their children exposed to such rot?

A Madeleine Flannagan repeats the same rot saying “Hell Pizza will never again see a cent of my family’s money for their utter disregard of parental rights.” Again the Christianists seem to think that there is a right which controls the actions of others to prevent anything they find offensive. I’m sure people find this woman offensive so would her waddling down the street violate the “parental rights” of others? Of course not. Once again this moron has no idea as to what it means to have a right.

Vini Leavi is another incoherent believer lamenting that “promotion of hell and evil right out there in full public view is acceptable. So many are so not knowing. It’s just not funny. So get out to a Church near you.” (I suggest Vini spend less time in church and some time in the classroom studying grammar -- though I must say he did add the apostrophe -- a refreshing change of pace.)

Kathie Blackhurst is angry: “Enough having sexuality and promiscuity shoved down our throats,” she says. Perhaps not the wisest phrase to use Kathie. She says: “Enough foisting it on our young kids who don’t need to know.” Oh, you are so right, NOT! is this woman so naive as to thinks “young kinds... don’t need to know” about sex?

Gregory Fenner says that the opening of 3 branches of Hell in his area has “led to boycott pizza orders because of the offensive names and insensitive advertising of their brands of pizzas.” Hmm, 3 branches all in close proximity to his home. Sounds as if that “boycott” isn’t doing very well.

Jenny McKechnie says the pizza chain is guilty of “trivalisation (sic) of Hell and sin. Hell is a real place and I am thankful to Jesus for what he did for all of us in dying on the Cross.... Our nation’s obesity is mostly caused by our greed.” Nation’s are not obese only individuals are Jenny.

Monika Dongohue says “I’d be dragging them (Hells Pizza) through the courts if my kids got there (sic) hands these condoms or it had led to their misadventure.” (What is this loony talking about?) If you thought that was incoherent try this sentence: “Is it any wonder we have had the drugging and rape scandals when sex a fast food outlet is our cultural sage of sexual education?”

If you think I’m exaggerating the quality of reasoning used by Christians in this matter go read it for yourself. Now I don’t think Christianity makes people stupid. However, I do think stupid people are attracted to Christianity.